How to Tell When Your Boss Is Trying to Sleep With You

From Somebody Who Knows

The world's turned a bunch of times and a lot has happened since I last updated. Japan's gotten a new prime minister, the rights of Americans have once again been massively eroded, the Republican party has become the official child molestation party, and I've gotten something dangerously close to resembling a job! Oh, and my boss has been trying in increasingly desperate ways to have sex with me. But let's rewind things for a moment.

So a few weeks back, I got to play this little mini-concert for an english school that teaches through songs. It's a pretty good idea, and I'd guess it works, judging by how well some of the kids could speak. They found me on one of the many english teacher freelancer websites I've been whoring myself on, and noticed that I mentioned my ability to play guitar. Without much preparation, they brought me out and we ran through Amazing Grace for the crowd, don't ask me why that song in particular, just it was simple and I knew most of the words. I also won a tongue twister contest in Japanese just after! At any rate, I suppose the show could be considered a success, because the owner of the music school scheduled me for a full week of teaching at 2500 yen per lesson. That's a three to five lessons a day ranging from 50 minutes to an hour each at a rate of a bit over $20 US. For the first time in a LONG time I've not just broken even, but I've turned the tide of my spending!

The lessons have been fun, and the Japanese kids I have to sing for are RIDICULOUSLY adorable. The school is very far from where I live, but in response to the long commute I've developed some highly effective time usage tactics, including setting up Google reader, which I HIGHLY recommend for its ease of use aggreggating your news feeds both for viewing on the computer and formatted viewing on your mobile phone. Seriously, if you use bloglines, or any other method of collecting your feeds, you'd be doing yourself a favor to try out Google Reader as well. In addition to enabling constant satiation of my information addiction, I've been loading my psp with various podcasts, including diggnation and the penny arcade casts (they've started up again!) and every flavor of tetris available, from both NES incarnations, to the SNES Tetris and Dr. mario game.

I love me some tetris.

Moving on, either it was my highly attractive tetris rockstar skills or my charmingly retarded Japanese speaking that led my boss, in her mid-40's or so, to repeatedly try to violate me. A bulleted list draws near!

Ways to tell your boss is trying to sleep with you:

• Takes you out to lunch and acts strangely clingy and overly sad when it's time to get back to work
  
• Begins good-naturedly bumping you and touching you, all the time
• Drops hints about wanting to separate work and private relationships
  
• Puts her finger in your mouth when you yawn, unsettling you greatly
• Awkwardly attempts to interject the word sperm into conversation, perhaps under the guise of having misheard it
• Begins inviting you to very expensive dinner cruises and shows, and, bizarrely, horseback riding
• Generously offers you a place to stay
• Generously offers you a place to stay in her house
• Asks for a kiss
• Tells you she wants to sleep with you (in my case, she went one further and directly declared that some time in the near future S & M would be happening, regardless of my opinion on the matter)

This has led to quite a bit of creepiness at the workplace. She seems to generally be a good person, and, of course, I am an utter whore, but she's been coming on REALLY strong, and it's begun to creep me out a little. I found out recently from immigration that I would have no choice but to leave the country soon as part of the process of receiving a work visa. My boss's response? She immediately offered to travel with me to New York City, where we would stay in a hotel together and I would show her around. She's been overly generous and generally acting as if we are a LOT closer than we actually are. Actually, she's been acting as if I were her boyfriend. Maybe this is some type of common female boss management style and I'm just getting caught in the cultural difference here? Either way, I don't much like people sticking their fingers in my mouth while I yawn.